Can’t we just get a dog?

Karina Swank, Alestle Editor in Chief

by Karina Swank, Alestle Editor in Chief

There are major life events that usually follow a certain order.

Meet soul mate … check.

Get engaged … check.

Get married … check in 40 some days.

Have children … um ….

I know that having children is supposed to come after getting married, and it will eventually, I think. However, I have no plans for children in the foreseeable future, but everyone seems to think I should.

I have been asked more times than I can count, “When are you going to start having children?” How about 2017? Sounds good to me, but for many people, some of which have been almost complete strangers, that’s not soon enough.

Maybe for them and their lives having children, and multiple of them, is important before the age of 30. For my fiancé and I, we’re thinking a few other major life events like get a few jobs, buy a house, get a car or even get a puppy are higher on the list than children.

That’s not to say this decision should be the same for every couple my age that is getting married. Maybe children will come nine months later for some couples or have already come, but the point it, go at your own pace.

Your life will never be like anyone else’s and you have to make decisions accordingly. Life events have a common timeline, but there is no set schedule everyone has to go by. Talk with your fiancé and make those big decisions together. Don’t feel rushed to speed life up because it already goes by fast enough. I can’t believe 400 some days have already past since I said yes to my fiancé’s question, and I’m sure the years between today and when I have or adopt a child will fly by just as fast.

The pros and cons of a very long engagement

Karina Swank, Alestle Editor in Chief

by Karina Swank, Alestle Editor in Chief

Everyone who has ever been engaged warned us not to do a long engagement. That’s a bit of an exaggeration, but I’m simply making the point that a lot of people gave us advice that we totally ignored.

Stupid, right?

I didn’t think so. After three and a half years of dating, I thought an additional year and four months of engagement would not be any different. Nothing would change just because I had a ring and we started looking for one for my fiancé.

I have come to realize there is something valuable in the advice so many gave us, but I’m still not regretting a long engagement. So here are the pros and cons as I see them of a long engagement while in college or otherwise.

Pros:

• You might think you know everything about a person after three years of dating, but you don’t. Of course you will continue to learn about your husband or wife even after you are married, but learning everything you can before the vows is valuable and will strengthen that relationship.

• Taking your time to plan your wedding is another plus, especially in college. I don’t believe I could have planned a wedding, worked and accomplished school work marked by decent grades in under a year without losing some sanity. I also had the ability to take things slow and get most of what I wanted at a pace that did not become overwhelming. My wedding dress alone took almost eight months to take shape and finally make its way to the bridal shop.

• One of the most valuable things in a long engagement was my ability to get to know friends better and well enough to include them in the wedding. Our relationships change overtime, and I was so happy to include my new friends in the wedding ceremony along with my old ones.

• The best part of a long engagement is that my fiancé and I had time to experience it all. We’ve gotten every part of this wedding process from the engagement party my wonderful future sister-in-law threw to the ability to register at multiple places or make mistakes with enough time to correct or mend them. We’ve gotten to put an announcement in the paper and save up for a honeymoon we would have otherwise been unable to afford. We’ve been lucky and blessed.

Cons:

• That ring does make a difference, and seeing 453 days on the Facebook countdown was depressing at times. I felt like I was lying to some people when I said I was engaged followed by the date of the wedding. They would be all excited and then look quizzical or shocked that the date was so far in the future.

• At some points during the engagement, there was almost too much time. I would procrastinate booking something because I still had nine months and then would subsequently forget about it. Nothing major, but at a little more than two months out, I still have more to do than I thought I would. There is also almost too much time to nit-pick. Is that the right cake or colors or tuxes, etc.? My worrying about getting the perfect venue or flowers instead of just going with the my decisions just added to everyone’s stress load.

• Also, for those of you attempting to “wait” for the honeymoon, or at least cut back on those intimate evenings in order to make the big day even more special, will inevitably find the added time resembling something like a “ticking time bomb,” as one pre-marriage counselor put it. For some, this is the hardest part about a long engagement.

• For me, the hardest part has been waiting for the change in titles. That was the hardest part before we were engaged as well. I no longer wanted to introduce Ben as my boyfriend when he was not just a boyfriend any more. He was more than that. The same is true now. He is more than my fiancé by this point. I’m more than ready to call him “husband” and hear my new title in return.

So, weigh the pros and cons, and of course take into consideration all the factors that may determine the length of engagement for you (money, graduation, etc.). I won’t say all the advice we got was completely void of merit, but the quieter side vying for a long engagement has its positives as well. The anticipation is killing me, but I’ve been so lucky to enjoy this time in my life for so long.

Brides, what’s really important here?

Karina Swank, Alestle Editor in Chief

by  Karina Swank, Alestle Copy Editor

As college students, we have enough on our plates without adding planning a wedding on top of it all.

We have to balance a job or two or three, homework and class time, chores around the apartment, considering and beginning planning for the future (i.e. job search, budgeting, internships, etc.) and there is that person called fiancé that should find some of our time in there as well.

Throw a wedding in, and if there wasn’t too much to begin with, there is now.

Currently my life is filled with the above, but also planning for my graduation, which comes a little less than two weeks before I say “I do.” Hadn’t even thought about it really. So I had to make a decision: what did I care about and what did I not care about?

I advise brides to get these priorities straight early on. You can’t care about everything. Some things have to slip through the cracks if you want to remain sane and remember your wedding day or the days leading up to it.

So take a breath and decide what aspects of your wedding day you can relinquish perfect control over or what needs perfection. I found it easier to go with the later.

My list:

Pictures – They last forever, so I wanted to splurge a bit and get the best photographer I could think of. Deidre Lynn Photography, for any brides in the Peoria area, is amazing.

Dress – I’ve dreamed of the dress more than anything else and its perfection was essential to me, though I’ve relinquished perfect shoes and accessories. The dress makes up for that anyway. Elegant Brides has excellent customer service and a gorgeous selection of dresses. They were even willing to order a dress just for me to try it on.

Church – Where I got married was very important to me. The ceremony after all is when my fiancé and I will actually become man and wife and begin forever together. I had to find somewhere beautiful, but also special, so I picked the church I grew up in during grade school.

The Honeymoon – You only get one real one, make it amazing.

Things I’m not going to stress over:

Reception site – If there is music and good family and friends, we’re good to go.

Flowers – Though these are a beautiful aspect of the wedding, I’ll walk down the aisle with them and then forget about them. They will show up in pictures though so don’t hate them. Instead I’m giving most of the control to my florist and wedding planner from Create a Scene.

Church decorations – Most churches are beautiful without much help, and the ceremony is usually shorter than the reception, so I’m putting more effort there than in the ceremony site. Plus, the audience will be looking at the wedding party and not the decorations, or they should be.

Now, every bride and groom may have a different set of priorities, but these should be decided on early so you don’t stress about every detail and focus on the important ones.

Remember, that on your wedding day, the only thing that will truly matter is holding your new husband’s hand, dancing with him, and beginning your life together.

I have an announcement to make

Karina Swank, Alestle Editor in Chief

by Karina Swank, Alestle Editor in Chief

One of my favorite things to study from my mom’s keepsakes was the engagement and wedding announcements that were published in her hometown newspaper.

I loved the aged look and the fading of the photo. I loved the smiles on both of their faces and the caption saying where they were planning to live and work. It was all so preserved, and yet it showed that time had passed and a relationship had lasted for a long time.

So naturally, I wanted my own engagement announcement in a newspaper. I entered it in my hometown paper, but also the larger paper of the nearby major city. To top it all, it appeared in the Valentine’s Day issue. Perfect.

That was until three days later.

I had included my address in the photo caption like my mom and dad did. It was stuffed between who my fiancé’s and my parents were and where we were going to school.

Apparently it wasn’t hidden well enough. My mailbox has been flooded with advertisements and promotions from various companies all vying for my attention and money.

It seems the thing to do. Wedding-related companies look through newspapers for announcements and then send anything they please to my address.

Some of it has been nice. Spring Hill Suites actually cut out my announcement, laminated it and put a tassel at the top creating a bookmark out of my engagement announcement. That was sweet, but it’s too late. I’m three months out from the wedding and most of my wedding planning is done. Instead it has become a hassle.

So, as a warning for future couples, though the announcement is a nice touch and provides a nice keepsake, consider whether or not you want to include your address. It might save you a headache (a small one, but while planning a wedding even a small one is an inconvenience), but it could also be a resource if you publish it soon enough.

It can be a tool or it can be an annoyance.

Marriage does not kill dreams

Karina Swank, Alestle Editor in Chief

by Karina Swank, Alestle Editor in Chief

When I told one of my friends that I was engaged to be married she congratulated me, and then said, “I’d love to get married, too, but I have too many dreams.”

And I have none.

The above sentence is false and needs to be erased from everyone’s mind. It is a stigma that engaged couples have to fight against and for no reason at all.

I’m not sure as to the origin of the myth that married people have to watch their dreams become just that, dreams instead of reality, but it’s a falsehood. My fiancé and I have hopes for the future, both individual and common. I have dreams, but I hope to share them with my husband and meld them so that two can work toward them instead of one.

I’ve also found it necessary to defend my need to get married at 22. Yes, I’m young and still in college. My whole life is ahead of me, and yet, I’m “settling down.” Settling down! If falling in love and walking down the aisle to my best friend just so that we can pack and move to any state or disappear for the weekend sounds like settling down, then I suppose I am. But in my opinion, marriage is going to be one of the greatest adventures of my life.

I’ll admit that my freedom to randomly disappear on my own or make a career move to another country might be more restricted. I won’t be able to stay away all night and never answer to anyone, but I like hearing my fiancé’s voice on the other end of the phone, and I want to come home.

Single life is an adventure of its own. It’s something to be cherished and enjoyed because it does have freedoms and more room to chase whatever fancy comes along. However, if you are considering getting engaged or are engaged, don’t let someone tell you your dreams will fade. And if you aren’t engaged or can’t even imagine yourself with a ring on your finger, remember that every type of life and relationship brings with it new adventures.

My dreams have changed during the four years I’ve spent with my fiancé and some of my biggest hopes revolve around his happiness. The same is true for him. If a couple truly loves each other, then no dreams are lost when they are married; instead they have dreams of being together and the life they will share.